


Let's play a game he said. It will be fun he said.

by Pinkstrider



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Multi, Tord Redemption, did i mention that i fucking hate tord redemption aus, jon literally gets resurected thanks to tord so, not definitive ones cause. Sburb yknow, sburb AU, spoiler but, the death tag stands only for temporary deaths, well i mean, yet here I AM
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-11
Updated: 2017-07-29
Packaged: 2018-11-12 21:54:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11170839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pinkstrider/pseuds/Pinkstrider
Summary: Goddamn, he couldn't wait to be in the medium, the game seemed to be tailor made for him to play.A fuckton of enemies to kill as he sees fit ? Check. The possibility to acquire powers that will make him virtually immortal and to pass through anything and be invisible amongst other things ? Check. An universe to create and rule on afterwards ? Check. A flock of hentai monsters seemingly here solely to fuck him senseless and gift him even more powers on top of the aforementionned trendemously overpowered skills the game promised him ? Check.God, this game promised to be Heaven, and all he needed to make it come true... Was to get his "old friends" to play it with him.------------------------------------------------------soooo you know the homestuck thing, like, the game. sburb. the thing with the classpects, pawns n shit. the eddsworld guys play it.more info on http://cutie-matt.tumblr.com !! warning, is full of spoilers :v





	1. Tentacle gods, to do lists and world domination games

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kank and ari said it was my turn to write a fanfiction. kank and ari said every fandom has their 200k words slow burn coffee shop au fanfic. kank and ari said it was my duty to do it. i told kank and ari id write a fanfiction, that i was up for the 200K words.  
> i however never promised them itd be a coffee shop au  
> i wanted a sburb au

"Come to the Hero of Space and call him out on the whereabouts of his prospitian dreams"

"Easy to make them play it will be, an adventure is no thing they shall skip"

"Worry not about the lack of trust they uphold. Fate is stronger than circumstances"

"Wake the Seer up, steal his consciousness and bring him here. You know how, Thief of Void." 

These were monsters. A senate of monsters, tentacles waving in the empty black fullness of the disorganized spacetime of the furthest ring. "The Noble Circle of Horrorterrors", their honorific title was so. They whispered prophecies and orders to him. They dictated it all. Tord sought their power, and they knew that. 

"The other Heroes will fall in step. The Hero of Space's destructive harmony will call the Maid and the Hero of heart. Your own charms will bring the Rogue to you. Reach to the Hero of Breath and All will follow you."

"So what, all I have to do is just say some vague shit about the golden equivalent of derse to Edd, knock Tom on the head, suck the dick of that one stud and grab the ghost of some random guy I previously killed ? That's all ? It's almost too easy." He sneered at the creatures, stance proud and daring. 

"Don't get too cocky, Thief. You have to make the Hero of Space wake the Maid up as well. But yes indeed it is easy. Serve us, and great power you will be granted." 

Power, the word sent a shiver of arousal through the Red Leader. He eyed the creatures with hunger, the sight of their long appendages not helping his rising excitation. These were Gods, demiurges, almighty powerful entities and he wasn't sure whether he wished for their blessing or their tentacles all over his body shoving their godly cum up his ass the most. 

"...Thief. You do realize we can read your mind, right ?"

"No but forreal is it part of the rewards"

 

\------------------------------------------------------

 

Tord woke up, feeling completely fucked out, boxers sticky with obviously more than sweat. He stretched and let himself fall out of his bed, scratching his side with his metal arm as he made his way to his personal bathroom. Despite said previously mentioned state of having been completely sexed out by a flock of hentai tentacle monsters that doubled as gods, Tord still jerked one off under the shower, of course to the memory of his dersian wet dreams. Goddamn, he couldn't wait to be in the medium, the game seemed to be tailor made for him to play. 

A fuckton of enemies to kill as he sees fit ? Check. The possibility to acquire powers that will make him virtually immortal and to pass through anything and be invisible amongst other things ? Check. An universe to create and rule on afterwards ? Check. A flock of hentai monsters seemingly here solely to fuck him senseless and gift him even more powers on top of the aforementionned trendemously overpowered skills the game promised him ? Check. 

God, this game promised to be Heaven, and all he needed to make it come true... Was to get his "old friends" to play it with him. 

Tord quickly finished his jerk off n clean session, and grabbed a towel as he made his way out of his room, drying himself distractedly as he made his way to his computer. The two files were sitting on his desktop, finally finished after so much work. Sburb, its server and client copies. Finally, oh Finally. 

Almost there.

He let his computer copy the files onto the drives he'd hand down, toweling himself off more attentively. He looked at the slow progression of the task as he grabbed some clothes and slipped on some satanic themed red undergarments. Hey, wasn't he supposed to seduce one of the other players ? It's what the hentai gods said, or at least implied right ? (It was not what they implied, but fuck if he wasn't gonna act like it anyway.) He put his significantly more formal uniform on, the 8 copies nearly done. God he couldn't wait. 

And wait he hadn't had to, the moment he was done with his boots and eyepatch, the engine signaled the success of its task as a knock on the door announced the arrival of his left and right hands. They entered the room, bowing with a synchronized "Good morning sir", awaiting orders. 

Today promised to be a good day. 

 

\------------------------------------------------------

 

"So, we are finally off to get the other players if I understand well ?" Patryck distractedly asked, playing with the memory stick in his hand. "Yes, finally" Tord's smirk could be heard in his voice as he tapped on the steering wheel rhythmically, staring at the red traffic light. "They better be competent and not fuck this up..." The older soldier mumbled, cigarette hanging from his mouth "I'd rather not have a redo of what happened last time you went to them. I am not sure we'd get you back in one piece if they decided to again be pissy little babies meddling with things they shouldn't mess with." Paul frowned, looking dark with his hard to not mention bushy eyebrows towering over his eyes. 

Tord parked the car.

 

\------------------------------------------------------

 

Six year since he had allowed him to vanish away. Six months since he had allowed him to come back. Six weeks since he had allowed him to commit the worst. And now ? Once again he's allowing this, allowing him in, he isn't even sure why he's letting this happen, why he is allowing this beast anywhere near them, why he allowed destruction to come their way like this. But yet here he is. 

"Who the fuck is that ?" A pissed off voice groaned from behind Edd. Oh god, Eduardo noticed. The cola loving man could feel the headache incoming. Of all the fucking moments Tord could come, it had to be when he had the diet piss loving man over. He /almost/ wanted to tell Tord to just shoot him right now. Almost. But still, he held his ground, hand on the doorway as he stared at the previously presumed dead man standing here in his hall, somehow. 

"Just someone I was hoping I'd never see again." Edd hissed coldly. 

"Awh, is that how you welcome an old friend ? C'mon Edd, I thought you had more manners than that !" Tord waved his metallic hand around, Paul rubbing his temples behind him and Patryck rolling his eyes behind him. 

"What the fuck do you think you are doing here?" He continued, tone dropping even further into hatred. The doorframe cracked with how hard Edd was gripping it. It'd be a miracle if he didn't punch or strangle Tord by the end of this talk, in fact he wondered why he didn't allow himself that, screw the damn guard dogs behind the devil. 

"Okay Okay chill." Tord raised his hands "I'm just here to propose you and your friends to play a game. That's all. Think you can hear me out about this ?" Edd frowned. What ? A game ? 

"Are you fucking kidding me." 

Tord couldn't reply because Edd was crushing his windpipe.

"YOU PIECE OF FUCK GO AND DESTROY OUR FUCKING HOUSE AND KILL OUR FRIEND FOR SOME FUCKING GIANT ROBOT AND HAVE THE GODDAMN BALLS TO COME HERE LIKE HEY LET'S PLAY A GAME ?! FUCK YOU. JUST FUCK YOU. GO F-" Edd crashed on the floor, looking stunned at the Spanish man who jerked him off of the tankie. Tord was coughing, splayed on the floor as well. 

Eduardo stood before him, Rage in his eyes. "so /you/ are the fucker who killed Jon." 

Tord rubbed at his throat, muttering a small "kinky" before looking up at Eduardo. "Yeah. Said game is supposed to bring him back amongst other things so if you could take five minutes to listen to me it'd be nice." 

Eduardo took him by the collar, pulling him up. Paul groaned, looking tiredly at Patryck who was filing his nails, but making no move to help their boss from the pissed off man. "You think it's fucking funny to joke about that." 

Tord sighed, and passed his normal hand through Eduardo's arm. "Look. It isn't a joke." Eduardo stared at the odd phenomena, and let go of him, stunned. 

"It's no small game. Besides we are fated to play. Right Edd ?" The green clad man looked up, not quite following what was happening anymore. "Prospit. You've seen the golden towers in your dreams, as well as skaia's clouds, haven't you ?" 

 

Edd led them to the living room. 

 

He was tense, and so was Eduardo. Matt, Mark and Tom should come back from groceries shopping soon, which would be yet another shitstorm incoming. Tord sat on the couch with his men next to him, while Edd and Eduardo clogged the chairs in front of the coffee table. They didn't know what they were in for really, but to drop six USB drives and what very much looked like an instruction book on the table was not what they were expecting from the freak. 

"Alright so I hope you have time. This goddamn game is wild, huge, and complex beyond words. As expected from some freakshow which's outcome, if the session is successful, is the creation of a goddamn new universe." One of the colas on the table moved, and Tord reacted fast and grabbed... Something. "Okay, explanation delayed." He flung away his eyepatch with his free hand, and emitted a "tsk" noise. He pulled that something, and suddenly a very blue ghost was here for everyone to see. Eduardo nearly fell off his chair, and Edd stared, his mouth gaping open. 

"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK ?!" Eduardo screeched, panic showing very openly, "IS THAT JON ?!" 

Tord looked at the man whose hand he was grabbing, blinking slowly. "Well, you tell me." he let go of him, crossing his arms and laying back down, putting the eyepatch back on his eye. "G-guys ?" Jon looked at them, pretty scared. "You can see me now ?" 

Edd stopped staring with his mouth agape, and threw a glance at Eduardo who was trembling like a leaf. "Uhh... Yeah." he nodded slowly, this was fine. Tord has been here for fifteen minutes at most and he already managed to make a ghost of their deceased friend appear. Everything was fine. 

Jon, at loss of what to do, nodded back and sat down next to them, Eduardo re-seating himself properly and looking at Jon like he wasn't quite understanding what he was seeing. Tord coughed awkwardly. "...Anyway. The game. Yes. Its name is sburb and-" a loud crash interrupted him again "guess I'll explain when the others will be here as well." 

Edd sighed and got up. "I'll go grab more chairs... And drinks too... God knows we will need some..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope youre ready for +69 chapters of this hell. also tord sounds like he speaks gibberish rn but don't worry he explains eeeeeverything next chapter. (it'll be long.)  
> UPD8 i got chapter 2 and 3 nearly ready, probably will post chapter 2 in a few hours


	2. A chapter where Tord should shut the fuck up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey uh, tord's sure, gonna explain sburb, but please don't skip even if you're a homestuck fan who knows how it works ? it has fluff at the end, and my classpect theory doesn't exactly.... align with the fandom's so yeah,,,

Chairs were thrown, furniture was broken, but at least Tom calmed down. Sort of. Tord had him pinned against a wall, the pineapple ball man seething and struggling against his grip. Screw that, he was not calm at all. 

"WILL YOU FUCKING LISTEN ? I AM NOT HERE FOR A FIGHT GOD FUCKING DAMN IT !" The red hooded man yelled, frustrated. 

The blue hoodie wearing man spit at his face as a sole answer, and kneed him on the stomach. "I don't have any bloody time to lose with you, commie. Let go." 

Tord breathed against the hit, done with Tom's shit. "No. You are going the fuck down for a good fucking nap now." He crossed one last thing off of his given to do list, doing the voidey thing once again as he knocked the Jehovah witness down and into the realm of wonderful shit Dersite dreams. He could go see the horrorterrors all by himself for all he cared. He dragged the unconscious man to the couch, spitefully lacking care. 

"Uh, what did you do to him ?" Matt asked curiously, approaching the sofa carefully. 

"I sent him to siesta land. Derse, same thing, whatever." Tord answered, pressing at the sore areas where he hit him during the fistfight and wincing. 

"Derse ? What's that ?" Mark asked, skeptical looking.

"It's a planet in the game we are going to play. Where the bad guys and also half of the team's dream selves are. The others are at Prospit, where the good guys live." He observed Tom quietly, wondering how long would it take for the man to give up his animosity so to play the game properly. 

"A game that has parts within our dreams ? And I am supposed to believe that ?" The blonde looked even more doubtful, disbelief written on his face. 

"Yeah. You are supposed to." Edd quietly mumbled. "There's no other way he could have known about my own dreams." He almost looked frustrated at that, staring at the ground.

"Besides we had more insane things happen to us." Eduardo interrupted. "Remember when I had superpowers ? Or the fact that Jon is again here now ?" Said ghost shuffled at the mention of him, clearly looking uncomfortable. Eduardo threw him a surprisingly soft look.

"...True. But, still. I hope he's fine..." Mark mumbled, sitting next to the couch as well. "You fought, behaved like dicks to each other, and now he's knocked out. So what now ?" He glared at the man, silence heavy in the room.

"I'm gonna sit for five fucking minutes and try to deal with my shitty ass headache is what I will do now." The commie flopped on one of the available armchairs, rubbing his temples. "I used my powers three fucking times today. Someone hand me a goddamn aspirin, I'm not supposed to even be able to do this shit before starting the game okay." Edd reached into one of the table's drawers, throwing some of the sought medicine at Tord who did a flawless sweet catch.

Matt thumbed the book on the coffee table as Tord swallowed down the pills. Thankfully, that specific piece of furniture stayed surprisingly safe through the fight. He turned one page, looking at its contents. "So, we are gonna play a game ? I love games !" 

"Yeah, a game." Patryk spoke up from his seat with Paul, looking serious. "An extreme sort of roleplay game, like the sims but the game is superimposed on reality, effectively warping it. Exciting, isn't it ?" he grinned, playing with a strand of his hair. 

"Huh, warping reality, does that mean that we get a save button for real life now ?" Matt asked innocently. Patryk both looked at him, smile dropping, and Tord just felt his headache double. 

"...Oh for the love of God." Tord buried his hand in his face, groaning. "This thing doesn't have a save function. I rebuilt the code of the damn thing from the fucking data from these temples, I'd know." 

"So... " Eduardo glared at him, looking as pissed as ever "What the heck are the contents of the game ? Because what you and your little friend just said made it sound like a terrible thing to play" he waved his hand around "like- I don't know, maybe it'd be fucking safe to not play something that could possibly break reality beyond what's fixable ??? Because what you shown powers wise already indicates that it is no small changes we're talking about." The Hispanic man crossed his arms, waiting for the other to speak up. 

"Alright. Indeed, it's big changes, we might wind up being gods, straight up create a new universe and possibly leave our current one for good. Some of us will have indeed powers that'll make us able to mess with space-time, and a flock of other nearly impossible things. Still in ? Not like we have a choice anyway." people in the room threw glances at the others as an answer, and soon everyone had gathered in a circle, Tom groaning from his uncomfortable position in the couch. 

Tord looked at him, nervous. He knocked him out literally five minutes ago, he couldn't be awake yet ! Another groan and he threw a pillow over his head. "Tom ?" Edd called. He almost got up, but Eduardo stopped him. 

"Hhhhheck off..." the void eyed man mumbled, looking every bit like he just woke up from a hungover. "I go to goddamn sleep in my dream only to goddamn wake up here... How wonderful..." 

"You... You what." Tord was stunned. 

He threw the pillow at his enemy "I woke up in a shitty blue edition of my old bedroom, looked outside and there was lame purple towers with screaming coming from whatever the hell was up and a flock of weird black pawn chess people. So I flopped in my bed and took a hecking nap cause I am not bloody drunk enough for this. Heck off." Tom just ragequitted Derse. He fucking ragequitted Derse. Tord couldn't believe it. 

"...Well, at least I won't have to explain how the game works to you afterwards..." Tord rubbed his temples.

"Game ? What the hell are you talking about ?" Tom was getting pissy again, and sitting slowly on the couch, rubbing at the back of his head.

"You just saw part of it in your dream. It's called sburb." Tord opened his coat, getting out what seemed to be a print of some odd solar system and splaying it on the table. "Here's a map of the realm it will take place in. We are supposed to enter it soon." Tom stared at him, choosing to examine what he has to say before he'd attempt docking him in the face again.

"Yeah, more like we are doomed to enter it soon." Patryk snorted. "We don't have any choice. It is setup this way, what has to happen will happen." 

"We can always try to get the best outcomes within this mess however." Paul spoke up, looking serious "Hence why we're here. To plan ahead and not leave too much of what will happen to us to luck alone, right ?" He gave a princely smile.

"Indeed that's the plan." Tord pointed to the center of the map, where a chess patterned circle was indicated. "The game is centered around the drama happening on skaia, a gigantic battlefield where two camps fight, the Prospitians and Dersites. The goal of the game is to dock the black king in the face so the Derse guys cease their shit and throw a hugeass frog into that skaia thing to create the new universe." He pointed to the 9 planets surrounding it. "To do that, we are supposed to get in the "incipisphere", where the game takes place, in which we will all have our own "Land". We will build our houses up thanks to the bullshit reality warping capacities of the sburb server copies so to reach the 18 gates here, will have to beat up imps and other enemies to collect even more bullshit building materials, and will do the bullshittiest sidequests I've seen in a long while as we attempt not to die permanently." 

"Well, that sure sounds like... A lot of things to do ?" Matt spoke up "But, uh, how are we gonna get all of that done ? Because we aren't into that universe yet ?" 

"Glad you asked !" Tord grabbed one of the USB sticks on the table. "Obviously, we are going to install the game on computers. We all will connect to each other in a precise order, I was told pretty neat stuff by the horrorterrors about that. Every one of us will be the server player of another, and that server player will drop items in the other player's house that'll get us inside, somehow. The tentacles assholes bitched about how I was asking for too much info" he crossed his arms. Not his fuckin' fault he prefers to have as many elements as possible to plan and be able to catch loose ends in advance-

"should be simple enough. Everyone minus Matt and whoever the heck "Edd's boyfriend" is supposed to use one of my bases as their house for entrance by the way, since the game requests for every player to have living quarters separate from the other players' to teleport on the land." he looked at the others for a few seconds before resuming, glad there was no protest "Matt and that boyfriend guy get the houses due to the entrance order I guess. Once here, beat up every weird black animated pawn thing on sight, don't question it." 

Edd slowly raised his hand, making a face. "Uh, sorry to interrupt but I don't have a boyfriend ?"

Tord stared at him as Edd shuffled under his deadpan gaze, feeling ridiculous like one of these clown-bards, before Tord snapped out of it. "Oh, right. The tentacles dumbasses told me you didn't start out as that." he rubbed his temples, sighing. "Apparently you start out as quote fucking unquote, "kismesis". It was already annoying enough that they kept talking about "fated rivals", "lovehate" and other various bullshit terms that mean nothing but now that just got a whole new level of fucking unneeded and annoying." 

"Oooookay ?" Edd frowned, before looking at Tord like he was the void. "Wait, fated rivals ?" 

"Yeah, or something like that. I got sick of their prattling about whatever the heck is romantic hatred honestly. Talk about some bullshit right here." Tord then witnessed the sort of scene that would happen only in movies. Literally everyone turned to Edd and Eduardo, who were sitting next to each other, both getting more pale and pale, as if a little more of their soul was drained with every second going by.

"...Or maybe it's not bullshit. Uh, next topic ?" everyone turned back to him, all silently approving and wanting to Forget For Now. He smiled nervously and coughed.

"Sooooo uh. Shit what's important outside of classpects- yeah nevermind everything else's either for later or for demonstration I can hop on Classpects !" Paul and Patryk seemed to roll their eyes at that, ready for the endless babbling.

"In the game, you are going to develop powers. They'll get especially strong once you reach god tier, which requires specific death conditions. You have to die or have your dead body carried on a certain stone-bed with a pretty recognizable sign- there are two in games for each player, one at your planet, one that's at the center of the moons of Derse and Prospit, depending of where you dream at. Ghost boy over here should have a spare body asleep at Prospit by the way." Tord looked at him, and Jon nodded slightly, the sylph-alike entity glad he'd be able to breath again soon. 

"Everyone's powers will be determined by their class and their aspect, classpect for short. In theory it'll be different for everyone but I only know half of it for a given person, me aside. It's all guessing games for the other part, but should be easy enough since I got an entire book about that shit kindly provided by the horrorterrors" he pointed to the huge manual Matt seemed curious about earlier. He smiled and clapped his hands together : "so who do I start with ?" 

Said red haired boy waved his hand, eager "Me ! Me ! What do you know ?"

"Alright, they told me you have the aspect heart. It is tied to souls, singularity and feelings, amongst other things. How you'll be able to manipulate that will depend of your class." He summed it up, satisfied when Matt cheered at the answer. 

"Heh, since stupid boy had his shot, guess I could ask next ?" Mark spoke up, throwing a free hit at Matt too as he brushed his hair to the side, behaving with fake class.

"Alright, you're a rogue class, meaning that you can grab around stuff tied to your aspect and freely redistribute it. It's funny cause I'm a thief class, I take what is tied to my aspect and stock it." He smirked "we could have considerable amounts of fun together yknow" he winked, shamelessly flirting.

"Heh, I hope so, we'd have to try in game" Mark chuckled, throwing a hot gaze at Tord.

"Hey can you two put moves on each other later ? I believe we have more important things to do" Eduardo puffed "so what's my classpect thing ?" 

"Alright alright-" Tord raised his hands apologetically "Maid. You're a maid class. It's a class centered around the protection, production and care of and through an aspect."

"What ?! I am no housewife !" Eduardo spat angrily and leaned forward, but Edd pushed him back in his seat, which earned him a glare. 

"Yeah ok what about me" He called, looking at Tord significantly more calmly than his full of rage neighbour.

"You're a space player. Good luck with that, you're the one who's going to breed the frog-universe." Tord observed him and continued "space, obviously, ties with a lot of things. Creation, wholes, sensing and reaching out to things, coherency and harmony if you prefer. Guessing your class will be a priority so you can breed the frog in peace while we build tactics to leave you free and protected enough for that. Hells, I'm tempted to say that how difficult the session will be is almost entirely dependent on your class"

"...Huh. that sounds like a lot. Sure, why not !" Edd sat confident while Eduardo glowered, obviously jealous.

"Yeah so what am I in your bullshit game." Tom spoke up for the first time since he complained, expecting some garbage from the communist.

"Curious, huh ? Glad you're playing along-" "Skip to the explanations commie" "Okay, okay, gee, classic stupid Tom, no patience- you're a seer, a pretty powerful class. They gain knowledge thanks to their aspect, and are essentially prophets who see depending of it. Big question's what your aspect obviously since it determines what you are blind to, and what you are more likely to see. The faster you know, the better our team will be." Tord smiled, while Tom sat still with a significantly more neutral stance.

"Oh- what about me ?" Jon spoke up shyly.

"You should be a breath player ! Breath is happiness, it ties with freedom, movement as well as direction, it's pretty neat really." Jon seemed surprised at that, but kept quiet. 

"So ! Paul, Patryk and me left ! Well, Big bushy eyebrows over here-" he groaned at the stupid nickname "is a light player ! That ties with luck, fate, cheating and fortune in general. Lucky bastard !" Tord poked fun at him. 

"You say that like you aren't aware of my striking bad luck" Paul glared at him.

"Huuush, details details. Means that you have to harness your powers once in the medium" the leader nearly sing songed, enjoying being a piece of shit.

"Yeah yeah whatever." 'Big bushy eyebrows' looked away and pouted.

"Anyway, Patryck's a knight class. Knights protect their aspect and through it, and can actively use their aspect and manipulate it fairly easily." 

"You're really enjoying explaining that stuff don't you" Pat made fun of the man, likely getting back for all the pokes directed at Paul.

"Hey, it's my job to be sassy !" Tord screamed in exaggerated outrage. 

"Not anymore" He giggled while the other sulked like a little child.

"Now me left. I'm a thief of void, yep I know my full classpect. Perks of annoying the tentacle fucks. Void's about items and their concept, things and people's place in the universe, chaos and emptiness and a lot of other things so I honestly am more than happy with that." He smirked, obviously already proud of his powers.

"And how the heck does that work with being a thief ?" Tom grumbled, pissed off by the other's cocky behaviour.

"Why ! It means that I can change how visible something or someone is and make items appear out of the blue !" He practically glowed with self satisfaction, appreciating the darkening face of the blue hooded man. 

"Boy I sure can't wait to max out that stuff !" He stretched, the demon haired man showing his good mood. "But Anyway I'm done explaining all of my bullshit; there's also the extended version in the manual too so help yourself, I've had it for today" He sat here and splayed on his seat, relaxed.

"Is that our clue to drop this shit and drink until we're laying on the floor passed out and intoxicated ?" Edd asked. 

"I definitely would do that right now" Tom mumbled.

"Me too" Eduardo spoke in an equally "cheerful" tone.

"I'm bringing drinks, we're gonna have a party !!" Matt got up, heading for their liquor stock.

"Hold on I'm gonna go help him..." Mark followed the ginger to avoid a disaster.

"Can we watch movies too ?" Jon chirped innocently.

"You take care of that if you want to, I'm going to go make some popcorn and other garbage so we don't drink on an empty stomach..." Eduardo raised from his seat, and Edd looked at him for a few seconds before tailing him into the kitchen. Soon enough, Tord, Paul and Patryk were examining the movie collection Tom brought from the roommates' stock with Jon pointing at the items he couldn't pick up. Matt and Mark came back with their loot of drunken fun promising bottles, disposing them on the table before deciding to be children and bring a fuckton of cushions and have a pillow party rated R for Roaming disasters. 

Some crashes from the kitchen, a trip to the red army guys' car and a few yells later everyone was changing for their pajamas. Pillow battles interrupted the clothes swap more than once as Tord ended nearly naked in front of everyone, Mark and Matt tried to show off and Edd and Eduardo just fought for the sake of it like the big man children they were. A global vote for what movies looked like the shittiest and therefor the best to watch took place, and the return of the insane zombie pirates from hell series were soon hailed as the big winner of the night.

More disasters, broken glasses and way too much liquor ingested happened, and soon, all that was left was the group asleep, all snuggled together like the fuck pile of losers they all were as the garbage movie played on screen.


	3. boy edd and eduardo sure lack self restrain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> k so just a heads up this gon be wild  
> for those who arent familiar with sburb and so are less likely to get the indications from the last chapters, the gang is asleep last chapter right ? so now we dealin with the boios that have awake dream selves in the game (located at prospit n derse in the game), which wake up when their real selves are asleep. if you followed well you probably know that not everyone's dream self is awake yet, only tord and edd's were, till tord forced tom's to wake up in the previous chapter that is.   
> but anyway, chapter at prospit (and a lil at derse/the furthest ring booyah) bc everyone loves the eyes killing golden towers and all that shit

"Hey. Hey." Tord shook Tom but only got a groan. "HEYYYY. I KNOW YOU ARE FAKE SLEEPING. GET THE FUCK UP WE ARE GOING TO SEE THE HORRORTERRORS !" The shouting earned him a pillow in the face. 

"Oh you rude piece of-" He dragged Tom out of his bed, ignoring the way he immediately screamed and trashed as he attempts to get out by the window. Tonight was going to be a long night. 

 

\------------------------------------------------------

 

Edd was standing in Eduardo's dream room. He had never tried to see what would be in the other golden towers, too busy playing with the Prospitian people and exploring the many monuments here, but it was still no surprise when Tord texted him to go seek Eduardo in these. 

He looked peaceful in his sleep, not yelling profanities or bullshit about being numero uno. Edd almost felt guilty about having to wake him up, but if he had to do it... He shook him lightly, and when he got no reaction, he realised that yeah, maybe he had no idea how to do that. 

He whipped his phone out and quickly messaged Tord about the matter, scratching his head and looking at his unconscious neighbour. God that's awkward. 

Tord replied fast apparently because soon enough he got a message saying "idk, kiss him ?" and maybe he stared at the text for thirty seconds before he could actually act. 

Lord, he hoped the game didn't have too many rules like that. He got up, sliding on all four on Eduardo's bed, breathing as he looked at the future source of his annihilation. 

Good God. This was okay. If he did it quickly enough maybe he will live through this, maybe he should pin down his hands too so he couldn't punch him ? Wait no, he'd need them to fly quickly. Shit. How could he avoid the shitstorm that'd bring ? Or maybe he in fact couldn't. The phone buzzed again but Edd was ready to accept his death anyway. 

He dived down and put his lips on the other's, and while he expected it, the immediate reaction of the other coming to cling to him still scared the shit out of him. He was going to Die right Here right Now. 

Or maybe not. Eduardo pressed into the kiss and brought him closer and Edd simply wondered if it was a matter of the other opening his eyes before his destruction was assured. The other pulled on his hair and Edd gasped, and well okay, if Eduardo was gonna take that as his cue to deepen the kiss then sure why not ? Maybe he should fly. He should really fly. 

But the time for him to, maybe, consider moving, the chance to do it simply vanished when the other wrapped his legs around him, effectively pulling them flush against each other. If Edd wasn't busy being scared shitless, he'd be outraged at being in such a situation with the guy he supposedly hates the most (minus Tord) in this fucked up and vast world.

Regardless, he was very much trapped and had no idea what to do, so he sort of automatically kissed back. He felt his brain shut down as the kiss got messier and sloppier, and maybe he was losing his mind because oh God did Eduardo just fucking whimper. Yeah that was the noise again and he was definitely enjoying it, Jesus- He finally, finally pulled back and Eduardo's eyes snapped open. 

He backed off so fast he nearly slammed his head onto the back of his head, clearly not sure what the fuck was happening. Edd was in a similar state, still stuck on all four and looking at Eduardo like a deer caught in the headlights. They stared at each other for a whole minute, breathing heavily and looking dishevelled. 

"...Let's pretend this didn't happen." Eduardo said after a while. 

"...Oh. Okay. Alright." Edd was stunned. He sat down as the atmosphere got awkward, and pretended everything was fine as Eduardo looked around his room, equally embarrassed. Edd's phone vibrated with a new text, and he jumped on the distraction.

The messages weren't what he was expecting. "You checked the text but didn't reply, did you seriously do it ???" He also wished he had considered the possibility that Tord could have been, in fact, not giving him a game rule but perhaps just playing a shit prank on him. "Oh God Edd it was a joke please don't tell me you did it"

He typed "it fucking worked" and sent it, not sure how to feel about the fact that indeed the prank achieved what he wanted. Or that he got out of it with no screaming or anything, just awkwardness. He didn't know whenever that was better or worse. 

Regardless, Eduardo was decided on getting acquainted with his surroundings, leaving his bed and pointedly ignoring Edd, heading straight for the window. 

Soon he was floating outside, staring at skaia as Edd simply watched him. He got bored fast and turned around to face Edd, who he seemingly decided to remove from his ignore list. "So, why you'd wake me up ?" He looked down at the golden buildings. "What do we do here exactly ?" He waved his hand to the moon below them.

Edd stayed silent for a few seconds, opening his mouth and closing it as he struggled to come up with an answer. "I... Actually don't know what you're supposed to do here ? Usually I'd just... Walk around, watch the clouds and talk to the people here. I guess escaping the black guys also counts as a thing to do ?" The man played with his hoodie strings, looking at the moon shape on the fabric as he was met only with silence. 

Eduardo was seemingly thinking, brows furrowed and arms crossed as he inspected the Prospitian kingdom. "Guess we'll just do that then." He concluded, and Edd looked up, simply nodding as an answer.

 

\------------------------------------------------------

 

The cola lovers floated away to the main part of Prospit, leaving its moon for the planet itself and heading for its castle. The white queen had always been welcoming to Edd, and he figured out that bringing Eduardo wouldn't be a bad pick. 

The airborne losers came closer, and noticed a parade headed for the same destination as them. They landed, following it, the already cheerful crowd celebrating the march going wild at the sight of their dreamers. 

"Oh yeah ! They really, really like us here, we're kind of like Greek heroes for them yknow ?" Edd shouted, grinning as they walked with the event, and nearly ran onto a pole as Eduardo smiled back, earning him snorts and giggles from the man. They nearly got into a fight right there, until they noticed music playing from further ahead, and soon Edd was yelling about reaching the part of the parade playing it. The two idiots immediately started racing each other to it, laughing as cheers and applause surrounded them, the march members saluting them as they waved back. 

The race ended up in them climbing in the royal coach (which was conveniently just behind the music band), enjoying a bath of popularity as the many hailed their champions. They were casually standing next to the white queen, seemingly not disturbed by the bullshit sudden appearance of the two players and welcoming of it. Confetti was flying in the air, the lively planet dancing and celebrating. 

"Hey !! Queen !! Will there be a party at the castle tonight ?" Edd asked her, and cheered when she nodded. "These parties are huge ! You'll see they're amazing, there are balls and a bunch of food, it's awesome !" The brunette shouted excitedly, Eduardo quickly ending up giggling again at the other's cheerfulness. 

"Oh my god, you look like an absolute dork-" He snickered more, and saluted the Prospitians around, glancing at Edd's progressively reddening face.

"Hey !! Who are you calling a dork ?!" The hoodie wearing man yelled, flustered and pouting.

"You, I'm calling you a dork, wanna fight me on this ?" The Hispanic man taunted him, smirking. 

"You're gonna regret asking for that !" Edd launched his war cry, and jumped on Eduardo who dodged by hopping off the royal carriage. 

"Catch me then, slowpoke !" He shouted, easily bouncing away as the Queen shook her head, observing the scene as the cola lover pursued the diet cola drinker further away.

They ran all the way to the castle, climbing its stairs and running through the corridors, scaring the guards and surprising the staff preparing for the party as the Hispanic man jeered at the other. Edd kept tailing Eduardo, smirking as the other unknowingly hid in the royal bedroom. The other realised his mistake when he had to stop, looking around for an escape and finding none as the door slammed shut behind his pursuer, the sound of the lock resonating as they stared at each other across the room. 

They breathed heavily for a moment, Edd smiling like a shark, back pressed against the door and clearly plotting what to do as he was victorious. Eduardo looked around nervously, not sure what to expect from the mischievous man. Then Edd pounced, crashing on the bed with Eduardo and soon grabbing at his clothes, getting them tangled around his legs and arms so the man wouldn't run away as Edd got up towards the Queen's wardrobe. Eduardo screeched the whole time as Edd laughed, asking what the bloody fuck was he doing. 

"Why, I'm picking out an outfit for you tonight !" Edd took his turn snickering now, clearly making a show of shuffling through the dresses as Eduardo trashed.

"YOU ARE WHAT ?! THERE IS NO WAY I'M WEARING ANY OF THESE YOU SICKO !" he screeched in indignation, practically fuming and too enraged to work away his clothes properly. "I'M NEVER GOING TO WEAR A DRESS AND YOU WON'T MAKE ME !"

Edd made a "Aha !" noise, before turning around, holding out a golden coloured flamenco dress, which made Eduardo stop trashing, face hard to read. "There, found something, now let's put aside your toxic masculinity issues and get you dressed right ?" He held out the dress a little more, grinning like the glorious asshole he was. 

Eduardo looked to the side and groaned, and after a moment of staring, he removed his shirt and toed off his shoes. "Fiiiiine. Have it your way, loser." The pissed off man complained, rolling his eyes at the same time. 

"Loser ? Aren't you the one in this situation because he lost ?" The remark earned him a pair of pants thrown at his face, and Eduardo quickly regretted his acts when he ended up pinned to the bed with Edd trying to make him put on some of the queen's white lace thighs highs, only stopping the trashing when Edd slapped his butt, but not without calling the other a pervert and screeching when he answered "touché". 

Once Edd was done with his job of forcing Eduardo into the lingerie, he went back to the dress he put aside, Eduardo pouting and sighing as he laid on his stomach. "These aren't even meant to be worn with boxers..." He mumbled, and was ready to cry himself to sleep (or awakeness ?) when he felt something hitting his head. He grabbed the offending object, and buried his face in the mattress when it to turned out to be a pair of matching panties. God he hated Edd. 

"Get uppp lazy pants, you have a dress to put on !" The asshole in question sing songed, waiting next to him and laughing when he only got a grunt. "Get up or I'll slap your ass again" 

He jumped to his feet immediately, fuming and glaring. "EW, FUCK NO KEEP YOUR HANDS AWAY FROM ME PERVERT !" He gritted his teeth for a few seconds, looking at the other barely holding back his laughter, and angrily took the dress, working on it as the other lazily smiled. He did so easily at Edd's surprise, and soon was mumbling about closing its back to Edd. He did so, and Eduardo turned around to look at him.

"Now what. I know you're plotting more." The grumpy man grumbled, awaiting an answer with his arms crossed.

"Weeeeeell," Edd scratched the back of his head "I was thinking about digging in the king's wardrobe for me too else I'd show up underdressed ? But if you insist" he smirked and walked towards the vanity table next to the wardrobe and picked up a lipstick here. Eduardo didn't say anything, just stepped to him and tore the offending item from his hand with cold rage, uncapped it and carefully applied it, and dropped it on the table. He grabbed Edd's shirt, pulling him and kissing him roughly as the other stood here frozen, and when the other looked traumatized enough he let go.

"Fuck. You." He pronounced coldly and slowly against his lips, tone dead and eyes piercing. He pulled the other away and fixed his makeup, then walked towards the other closet, presumably the king's, starting to dig as Edd stood here, staring at the mirror and the huge lipstick mark the other left. 

He may or may not have been in the process of calculating how much more did he need to piss Eduardo off to get a hatefuck when he got more clothes thrown at him, the king's matching costume apparently. "Go. Change now." He stood here, staring at the other dead in the eyes as he waited, arms crossed. 

Edd did so, Eduardo staring at him silently during the whole ordeal. They faced each other, tension radiating, before Eduardo grabbed Edd's face and cleaned the stupid makeup marks off of it, holding him here for longer than it took to do the task, their lips getting dangerously close again. "One last thing." Eduardo pushed him away and walked towards the bed, reaching under his dress and removing his boxers. He gloriously threw them at Edd's face, satisfied with the other's scream of disgust as he put on the panties that had been given to him earlier. 

He grabbed one of the queen's pair of high heels, slipped them on and walked to the door. He unlocked it, managing to look more like he was the winner of the situation than Edd as he threw a glance at him above his shoulder, stepping out of the room. Edd took a few seconds to gather their clothes and drop them on a seat, quickly writing a note promising to return the borrowed clothes and to come grab back theirs, after which he rushed into the corridor and back to Eduardo.

"Hey, were we allowed to take these clothes ?" Eduardo asked. He walked fast, seemingly not disturbed by the heels. 

"Oh ! Uh, yeah, sorry for not telling you earlier" He glanced at the other, laughing embarrassingly. "Queen been letting me borrow stuff for a while, as long as I leave a note and return them in a good state." 

"Huh, alright. Being a hero really does have its perks, huh ?" Eduardo remarked. They walked next to each other more before he spoke up again. "Hey, you know where the party is right ?" 

"Yeah, it's at the main hall. Want me to give you a tour perhaps ?" He winked at the Hispanic man, who huffed.

"Heh, sure, but make it short." He waved in front of them, indicating Edd to go ahead and guide him. They begun walking side by side through the architecture, Edd pointing out places, statues and other stuff, telling small anecdotes and fun stories he heard of and saw. Soon they were laughing together, and the lively castle's noise around them got louder as they neared the dancehall.

They pushed another door and which led to the balconies of the hall, looking over the white pawn people dancing and celebrating whatever was the occasion. The banquet exuded prosperity and happiness, and played ballroom music, to their big surprise. They looked at each other and the people dancing, mouth gaping as they eyed the numbers on the back of the couples. The men had walked onto a dance competition. 

Eduardo spoke up. "Do you know how to dance ?" He looked at the other, curiosity shining in his eyes. 

"Well, I've been trained at that for years yes ? I did competitions for a long time I guess, won a few..." He looked to the side, fiddling with his fingers, embarrassed. "I stopped when I moved in with the others, what about you ?" 

Eduardo stared, impressed, before he got a hold of himself. "Uhhh, I did some of that stuff too, spectacles. And. Other thing. Y'know. Spanish family n all ? Traditional dancing sure is something haha." He blushed, and they both looked around flustered, before they met eyes with resolve and grabbed each other's hand, jumping over the balcony and onto the dancefloor, running to the judges' table for a late candidature.

 

\------------------------------------------------------

 

Eduardo would have slapped Edd if he wasn't busy restraining his laughter and desperately trying to step graciously towards the other despite the circumstances. Who the FUCK enters the dancefloor by sliding on their knees all the way to their partner ? Edd apparently. Edd just entered the goddamn dancefloor like it was the disqualification scene of strictly ballroom. All they needed was for Scott and Fran's paso doble to play for it to be the exact same scene and Eduardo was going to fucking bitch slap him after this. Or maybe he was considering not doing that because he got up flawlessly and Oh goodness gracious did Edd look gorgeous when he actually held himself properly- 

They started dancing, twirling around methodically and stepping in rythme, falling easily back onto what their training taught them and into the sweet embrace of music and rythme. They moved together, fitting perfectly as Eduardo's dress flew around, following their movements as Edd carried him around and lead him. 

Time lost its meaning as the couple slid around the dancefloor, gracefully displaying their skills and losing themselves to the pleasure of dancing. 

\------------------------------------------------------

 

"Seer, do not believe things will be easy for you because you have been gifted sight of the future." 

"Seeing nothing and seeing everything is equivalent if you cannot focus on elements and seek what is true to your situation." 

"A blind prophet you might as well be with eyes that see so many things but choose so few." 

"Okay okay can you stop the ominous speaking for five seconds ?" Tom raised his arms, trying his best to not get pissed off at what very much looks like gods. "That's nice, but what ARE the things I see ? I just wanna know my bloody aspect and all you did was lecture me on how to use my powers and not being easy and stuff rather than what ARE my powers." 

"Is there some temporal inevitability tied to their reveal or what ?" Tord spoke up. He had been silent, arms crossed and observing what the horrors would do with his purple clad enemy. 

"Curious are you, Thief ?" Tentacles waved around Tom, who tensed, despite trying to look neutral "Shouldn't you be the one the most likely to guess that ? He has such pretty eyes, I'm sure you could look inside them." The members slid on the other's face, nearing the voids of his eyes as he restrained the urge to slap away the appendages. 

"I'll assume that means yes." He grunted, trying to ignore the way the tentacle assholes were starting to slide their members under Tom's clothes. "What do we do next ?"

"You'll have to aid him in his quest for the truth, Thief."

Silence resonated around them.

"...Fine. I know- but what are we going to do next ? What should we do for the prototypings and all of that ? You only told me how it works-""Thief." He closed his eyes, fists tightening and facing the non-existent ground as nervousness wrecked him.

"Do what they want." 

"Do what ? Who is they ?" The void player was starting to get agitated, the worry coming from the lack of contribution from the usually resourceful gods taking its toll on him.

"Your teammates. You no longer are the only one planning, Thief. The game won't be a theory anymore, but your reality." 

"Your teammates. If you forget about them, you'll disappear." Tom gasped as the gods wrapped around him, put on display for the other to see. "Thieves vanish if they fail to acquire their aspect through others. Fail to steal your way into space, time, minds and hearts and your existence will collapse into nothingness. You will need them to stay anchored into reality." 

"C-Can you get your point across differently perhaps ?" Tom gasped, outright shivering. "As pleasant as this is, I- ah, I would rather not do these things out of the blue-" 

"Worry not, we don't intend to. Besides you being a virgin is vital." 

"Wait what."

 

\------------------------------------------------------

 

The ball ended and the dancers broke out of their spell, saluting the Prospitian people and the judges as the results claimed the heroes as tonight's winners. They took a while to enjoy the party, its food and its people, before they ran off, echoes of of the event surrounding them as they pursued each other in the castle's halls. They laughed as they taunted each other lightly, "cornering" each other against walls only for one to escape and run off again. They made it the the royal bedroom, playing with each other. 

They gathered their clothes, getting ready to change and still giggling, when Eduardo called Edd. The man around to face the other, only to receive a pair of panties thrown at his head. He pouted as Eduardo bursted into laughter, hunched over and losing it over the other's face and the pair of underwear still stuck in his hair. Edd ended up not being able to help it and snickered along too, the item sliding down and onto the ground. 

They wheezed for a few minutes before he pushed the Hispanic man on the bed and climbed over the other, the two still laughing as they pressed their forehead against each other. They calmed down progressively when they realised what position they were in, looking at each other in the eyes for a moment as they tried to regain their breath. 

"We're on the royal couple's bed." Eduardo softly whispered, sliding a hand in Edd's hair. 

"You're right, we are." The other man breathed against his lips, tone dropping as he eyed the other hungrily.

"We shouldn't be doing that sort of things on the royal couple's bed." He smiled naughtily, his voice seductive as he pretended to care for the 'problem' he pointed out. They gazed at each other more, eyes full of desire.

"The queen sure will be disappointed in us." The dress clad man joked, and fake concerns were thrown out the window when he closed the small distance between their lips, pulling Edd flush against him. 

They kissed heatedly, hands moving and feeling as their bodies moved against each other. They quickly ended up moaning and gasping, trying to rid themselves of their clothes while making as many skin contact as possible, a sure difficult task that left them soon sitting on the bed with Eduardo on Edd's lap as they pawed at the other's clothes' buttons and zippers. 

Edd decided to move his mouth, nipping and licking at the other's neck as he slid a hand under the other's dress and feeling his thighs, working at the back of the dress to open it, when Eduardo realised something. "Wait wait wait wait-" he breathed, trying to get a hold of Edd's shoulders.

"What- " He half moaned out, stopping his kissing of Eduardo's skin and looking at the other with eyes clouded with lust.

"If- if we do that right now, our asleep bodies won't 'react', will they ? This isn't like normal wet dreams is it ?" He asked, barely able to focus enough to speak properly with all the heat and lack of air.

"Oh- oh." Edd looked down, breathing and closing his eyes. "Oooooh damn. Yeah no if we do that our other bodies will react and that'll be hard to explain-" He passed a hand through his hair, obviously disappointed.

"Yeah- it sure will be" Eduardo looked down at his lap, staring at their half open clothes with big wide eyes as the situation hit him once more. "Jesus, we went from plotting how to beat each other to a pulp every single time we would do so much as looking at the other, to making out nonstop and nearly fucking right there, and in a single day somehow-" He said, his voice and face the definition of existencial crisis.

Edd nodded, expression slowly coming to match Eduardo's. "Holy shit, you're right- is that what people mean by 'extreme lack of self restrain' ?" He stared into the emptiness of space, Eduardo taking his turn at nodding dumbfoundedly.

The two sat here for a moment, trying to process just what the hell did they do all day. 

"Clothes." Edd said suddenly, breaking their moment of confusion.

"What ?" Eduardo frowned, waiting for the other to elaborate.

"We need. To change our clothes." 

"Oh- right." 

 

\------------------------------------------------------

 

The flight back to their towers was comfortably quiet, with small conversations sprinkled here and there. Soon, they were eyeing their bedrooms, and they figured out that neither of them really wanted to let go of the other right now.

They decided to sleep at Edd's for the night. The two toed off their shoes and got comfy in the bed, pressed against each other under the covers and enjoying their closeness. 

 

\------------------------------------------------------

 

"Do you think we will be lovers like Tord said ? Like, not just fuck buddies, or whatever nearly happened tonight, lovers." Eduardo spoke quietly, different from his usual booming voice, almost as if he didn't want to break the silence.

"I don't know." Edd talked honestly, voice soft as well.

"Actually, I don't think it's impossible- I mean. Looking back on the past, we hated each other for little to no reason. We never really spoke or anything. For all we know and experienced with each other we could actually... Match." He buried his face on Edd's golden hoodie.

"Maybe. Guess we just need to try." He pulled Eduardo closer to him. Silence fell between them, huddled together. Some time passed, only the faint noise from their breathing and the sounds of the moon to be heard.

"Tonight was nice." 

"Yeah." 

They exchanged a chaste kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for those who are curious, i doodled edd and eduardo wearing the king and the queen's outfit here : http://cutie-matt.tumblr.com/post/163579596834/doodles-they-help-writing  
> also even if they look like they basically fell on each other out of the blue, don't expect them to quite become a perfect couple yet, or a couple at all. olds habits die hard and you bet your ass they'll still fight a lot and hate each other for the sake of it. let's just say that it's just the start of the trainwreck.

**Author's Note:**

> while art is cool, art is also spoilery, check http://cutie-matt.tumblr.com/tagged/sburb-au but only if youre ok with massive spoilers notably about their full classpects !!


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